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Not like it once was

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  • She doesn't smile like she used to. She has become less enthusiastic. The light in her eyes is off.

  • She has no energy when she is with you, and no energy at work. She is exhausted. She is not focused; her head is in the clouds. She wasn't like this before.

  • Change in appearance: She wears clothes that are less suited to her style; she does her hair in a different way than her usual taste.

  • Health issues: She gets sick more often than usual. She is losing weight. She is fatigued; has black bags under her eyes.

  • Extreme moods: She cries without explanation; when asked, she replies, "Everything is fine. Everything is fine."

  • The messages she writes to you on WhatsApp are written differently than her usual style. Could it be that she is not the one writing them?

Quick Progression

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  • She surprises you by committing so quickly and completely – her previous relationships did not move this quickly.

  • She finds herself in an immediately overwhelming, exciting, and intense relationship. Shortly after the beginning of the relationship he says that she is the love of his life. He adores the ground she walks on; he engages in passionate, intense, and exciting courtship.

  • He pushes for the relationship to progress very quickly and become serious and binding: he wants to move in together, have unprotected sex (she may have gotten pregnant without meaning to), get married.


  • She protects him in an extreme and excessive way, especially when she hears criticism of him. She can go as far as threatening to cut off contact with you.

  • It is important for her to keep his good name, even when something very unusual has happened.

  • She shuts down any criticism of him. She speaks on his behalf, defends him, and justifies him: "He didn't come because he is busy"; "He didn't want to talk to you because he is shy." She justifies his surveillance of her out of his concern for her safety by saying, "I understand him. He cares about me," or "He loves me so much and that's why he's constantly interested in where I am."

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Standing between us

  • You don't have soul-searching conversations with her like you used to.

  • She is reluctant and avoids sharing about her relationship dynamics, although in the past she did.

  • He often joins and accompanies her to social gatherings, even when it is less suitable for the circumstances and the situation.

  • He drives her to and from her place of work, even though it is not necessary.

  • You find yourself pretending and fawning over him, out of fear of him distancing you from her.

  • He has contacted her immediate environment without her knowledge; has poured out his heart about his difficulties with her and asked to keep it a secret from her.

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  • Your relationship weakens because she is moving away: the conversations between you and her are shorter; it is difficult to schedule a meeting with her (she is no longer as spontaneous as she used to be); she avoids hosting in her home; she cancels last minute to pre-arranged social gatherings. Sometimes she explains the cancellation by saying that he is not feeling well, and she has to help him.

  • Moving apartments farther away (like moving to a new city or moving abroad).

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Spying on her

  • She expresses fear of being late returning home or being delayed without notice.

  • He surprises her at her workplace and other places.

  • He calls her frequently when you meet with her, or during your phone calls (there is a long line of messages or waiting calls from him). You feel that she is tense during the conversation.

  • She is vigilant when talking to you: "I can't talk, he's next to me." "Don't send me messages whenever you want. Let me know you're sending." "I delete the messages after I read them."

  • When she is not with him, she reports to him about her schedule: her location, her actions, who she is with and when she will return. At an advanced stage in the relationship, it reaches the point where justifies herself and shows him proof and documentation of places she's been (videos, photos, receipts from a place she made a purchase - so she can show him the date, time and place).

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Golden Rule: The decision to leave her partner may represent a life-threatening scenario! Only turn to professionals in the field of domestic abuse and violence for help. It is vital to ascertain that the individual or entity you are turning to is truly an experienced professional.

Want to intervene?
Call 24/7 anonymously 118 Ministry of Welfare | *6724 No2Violence

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